马男波杰克第五季

加缪在《局外人》中如此写道:

“今天，妈妈死了。也许是昨天。我不知道。 我收到养老院的一封电报，说‘母死。明日葬。专此通知。’ 这说明不了什么。可能是昨天死的。”冷漠的语气就是葬礼上波杰克的演讲一般。

又颓又丧的Bojack也迎来了这一天，他的妈妈碧翠丝死了，但是似乎没有什么改变，唯一感觉有变化的，可能就是波杰克得到了一份免费油条

Free churoo

在原生家庭饱受折磨的波杰克也恨透了他的父母，同时原生家庭对波杰克的性格造成了严重的心理创伤。也因此，当波杰克的妈妈过世了，波杰克并没有太大的感触，但是正如他自己所说“My mother is dead, everything become worse.”波杰克失去了最后一个逃避的借口，他又要面对他的酗酒、药物成瘾等等自己的糟糕事，而他，已经找不到逃避的借口了。波杰克的做法像现实生活中部分人，为自己的不作为找借口，自己定下的flag，总是完不成，总有一堆理由来说服自己，但是你知道，那些都是借口，你只是不想做，问题不是那些事，问题还是在自己身上。

人总是不能随心所欲的做自己

Diane在与Mr.Peanutbutter先生离婚之后状态也是如此，为此特意去了一趟越南，列出了十个去越南的理由，然而一个个的理由都经不起推敲，这些理由全都是借口，真正的原因，只是她不经意间看到花生酱先生用曾经揽着她的姿势去揽着新欢，这时的旅游只是逃避，当自己所有的借口被打破，剖去一切浮于表面之事，你的内心，其实一片荒凉。“你以为你的心不会再破碎，但依然会再次被碾碎，于是你知道你可以忍受孤独”。

在波杰克的新剧《Philbert》中，波杰克的生活与他饰演的主角费尔伯特高度相似，加之波杰克药物依赖越来越严重，分不清角色与现实，精神恍惚，在片场差点错手掐死伙伴Gina。最终，波杰克在戴安的帮助下决定面对自己的糟糕状况，去了戒毒所，而戴安也在经历低潮之后重回生活。

看完这部剧之后，其实有很多感想，但是很多你都说不出来，也不知道怎么去说。在某种程度上，我们都是Philbert,面对着自己糟糕的人生，一面是人前天真烂漫人畜无害的正面形象，另一面则是心里住着一只“小恶魔”的自己；但又不可以把不好的一面展现在公众面前，只好费尽心力地去维护自己的正面人设。就行Bojack一样，电视上是一个明星，但自己知道自己很糟糕

罗曼罗兰说过：“世界上只有一种英雄主义，那就是认清生活的真相之后仍然热爱生活。”话虽如此，私以为不尽正确，我们都知道自己的状况，生活的真相很多时候都是像波杰克一样的颓、丧、无可奈何，这样还可以“热爱生活”吗？或许有另一种如《海边的曼彻斯特》中主角李一样的生活方式，不与过去的自己和解，活在自己的过去中，也并没有什么不好，又颓又美丽。我们总是被教导要坚强，要勇于面对生活，不惧困难诸如此类正面观念，却没人教我们，如何和那个颓废的自己、做了错事的自己和解，如何与那个丧失信念、丧气满满的自己一同生活。我们看到太多的正能量，却不懂得如何宣泄自己的负能量 ，将负能量视为负面，看不到即便是负能量也是一种“能量”。

我们的人生就像溺水一般，我们不懂得如何去拯救对方，但是我们都明白对方的感受，并且一同被水淹没。

生活，就是如此。

前几季人物立住了 这一季终于开始放肆探索讲剧情了 之前总有一种为了丧而丧的嫌疑 看完感觉像一拳打在心上 软绵绵的但是胸闷 一段时间就没什么感觉了 这季打完这拳还会在心里拧几下 而且台词也不再是大段的毒鸡汤说教了 正常真实了很多

以前看完只有一种情感就是同情马男——他也没办法吧这样想 这季是真的为之生气 尤其是他们跟记者解释掐人事件时马男为了自己心里舒坦非要说出真相 马男活得痛苦就理所当然地脆弱发疯不承担责任 可是还有比他活得更艰难的人 他们在不得不坚强活着承受自己的痛苦的同时还要无端端地再加上 因为马男的任性所带来的 本不用承担的痛苦 而且他们甚至没有资本去使用酒精毒品来逃避 即便如此 正因为他们遭受了更多的苦难所以他们又都知道马男也不是故意的 就像我前几季感受到的 他们知道对于马男这个人来说 他做出这样的事也是没办法的结果 马男没办法不这样 于是他们包括我虽然又气又恨 可还是怪罪不了他 不过我产生这样的感受也可能是等第五季期间看事物的角度变化了 之前也有只是我没感受到

最让人震惊的是花生酱和黛安居然已经结婚十年了 原来马男的世界里时间活得这么快 轰隆隆 人生几十年就这么过去了 看那些人物谈到的记得的对于他们人生有着影响的事也就那么几件 连起来不过是几季电视剧 时间一直在给我们机会 重新站起来的机会 只是我们从来没成功过罢了

I have never been at the top of the world ever since.

最后黛安送马男去戒毒所 这是第一次季终是带有希望的结局吧 马男加油哇 黛安加油哇

另外看到有人说这季前面不错后面一般 其实我倒觉得每一集都各有特点 越看到后面越觉得叙事方式多变新奇到这个程度 太牛逼了吧！而且片头片尾都好用心 配乐太好听了 希望能出原声带！

没错，大热的美剧《马男波杰克》于上周五回归了，Netflix还是豪爽的一次性放出了十二集，相信不少小伙伴把周末的时间都用在了上面。豆瓣上的评分目前停留在9.3，IMDB本季平均分8.89，高于全集平均分8.5，口碑热度都在持续上涨中。

马男系列，一直以来都以独特的‘丧’闻名海内外。出自马男波杰克的截图不知道养活了多少朋友圈鸡汤和微博段子手。在这个时代大多数的影视作品都追求爽快刺激，间或满足一下人们的英雄梦想，从前段时间大热的碟中谍到漫威十年布局的复仇者联盟，走的都是这个路数。也有一些片子幽默搞怪，吐槽辛辣，让人在轻松中逃避现实，美国动画常青树南方公园和著名美剧生活大爆炸都是此中好手。但所有这些片子来来回回都只在讲述一个主题，看久了未免审美疲劳。马男偏偏逆其道行之，讲述的故事却是生活。

马男故事的结构并不复杂，故事的主角马男波杰克是一个过气的好莱坞电视剧演员，自从二十多岁时出演了著名连续剧Horsing Around以后就再也没有能够在事业上取得巅峰。随着岁月的消逝和经纪人不断的催促打气，他终于决定停止自己的恶性循环，开始找代笔出版自己的自传。但是伴随了一个人二十多年的酗酒，拖延和消极对待，是不会那么轻易的改变。于是我们跟着马男一起，看了五年他和他身边的人在各自的性格阴影下挣扎，对抗自己身上的坏习惯。

马男故事的精髓是，每个人身上都有着或多或少的性格缺陷，这些缺陷在不同程度上影响了我们的生活。我们经常可以看到身边的人甚至是我们自己，有更好的机会在面前，却不抓住，眼睁睁看着机会溜走。更加痛苦的是，往往我们意识的到究竟是什么在阻碍着自己，但是却没有办法改变。我们也或许知道改变的办法，但是却缺乏动力的躲回了自我舒适区的小巢，闭起眼睛祈祷黑暗过去。而黑暗，不会过去。

这一季，波杰克终于（不那么）老老实实的去拍了一部会让他重新火起来的连续剧，他有了一段贯穿全季的异性关系，他终于能够反省自己和妹妹以及母亲的关系，在面对巨大压力时终于没有像悲伤的第三季一样走向完全的自我毁灭，而是成长了，虽然这改变渺小而卑微，虽然这匹54岁的老马恐怕很难改变了，但是这仍然是属于他自己的成长。

比如第五季第一集，波杰克不断的向导演抱怨自己出演的人物台词和剧情不合常理。导演认为他只是在求关注，并借助这样的方式增强自己的影响力，听起来是不是很丧。波杰克喜欢上了剧中的女主角，发现她有很多的无意义裸露镜头，便扮演白骑士向导演抗议遮掩的行为物化女性。导演气急败坏的提出那我们来物化一下男性吧，于是要求拍摄一个54岁老男人波杰克正面全裸的镜头，并给了他两个选择，要么承认自己只是在求关注，导演可以回到原来的方案，波杰克将不会面临一场公关危机；要么波杰克可以死撑下去，拍自己全裸的镜头，但是女主角得以幸免。波杰克在痛苦中选择了后者，向世界展现了他的无助。

戴安呢？她终于离了婚，自己踏上了漫长的自我恢复的道路，距离上和工作上都是。令人惊喜的是她没有在片场与花生酱先生有过多的交际，对于她的历史和她在本剧中作为波杰克镜像的标签来说，都是很惊喜的。她的成长更加明显，虽然她会被激情带走，但她显然是更加理性的自己。这一点小小的分化让她终于不再是女性版不知如何是好只知道自我毁灭的波杰克。她也终于不是任何人的附属品，甚至有一点点准备跟世界讲和的味道。

除此之外，还有波杰克的经纪人卡洛琳公主，她依然是我心中的太阳，是本作中最坚定的正能量。在上一季中她最终选择和彬彬有礼的爱人分手，准备一个人领养孩子。在不断的尝试后她终于认清了自己身上的不断燃烧的力量，而当爱人没有办法和自己一起满足自己的梦想时，她必须决定，似乎要选择完美的爱人，还是完美的自己。

当我们长大后，我们终将懂得，每一个选择背后其实并没有那么多的对与错，有的只是选择和适合。有的时候哪怕自己的选择，要割舍掉手边最美好的事物，这也是不得不做的。因为你必须屈膝才能跳得更高，必须清空手上的东西才能扛起更重的奖杯。有舍，才有得。

卡洛琳公主就是这样，回到一个人的生活后她决定完成自己做一个母亲的梦想，做一个母亲，一个爱人，一个女强人，三者兼备她做不到，于是只能割舍。工作依然不停的撕扯着她的时间，现实中的她在一天的败仗打完后露出的疲惫就是她身上的丧，但这仅仅是表象。就像她的角色动物---一只猫一样，她骨子是高傲独立绝不臣服。第五季中我们跟着她回到了出生地，看到了她在少女时代怀孕又流产后是怎么毅然决然的选择离开去追求自己的梦想。她始终正视着命运的难题却永远都没有被命运击倒，这和她所喜爱的女飞行员Amelia Earheart 一样，勇敢的飞向太阳。

而花生酱先生呢？看起来是个男版的卡洛琳公主，但是他那明媚的太阳上也有耀斑。本季用非常精彩的四条时间线交织映射的方式回顾了他四次带着女友去万圣节派对的故事，在时时热情万丈的外表下，我们看到的却是用一个用热情在逃避问题的人，一如用酒精麻醉自己的波杰克。第三季中，我们跟着花生酱先生和他的妻子戴安回到了他出生的地方，跟着戴安的视角我们理解到花生酱先生是一个始终热情四射的人，他的天性是那样的乐观，似乎什么样的苦难都无法影响他。如果我们往人物的背景故事里走，会知道他截止第四季结束一共离了三次婚，看起来他那明媚的太阳上也有耀斑。本季用非常精彩的四条时间线交织映射的方式回顾了他四次带着女友去万圣节派对的故事，每一次他都爱上一个20岁出头的姑娘，却每一次都没能把握住跟她们一起获得幸福的机会，好似在派对上跟她分别半个小时，再找到的就已经不是自己原先认识的那个人了。他的问题随着故事的发展愈演愈烈，放纵着别人用童话来麻痹自己，但其实他拥有这种理性能力，却不愿意使用。这恰恰就是他的伪装，也是他的丧。

说完了人物，便不得不提一下本季讲故事的能力。就单集而言，本季的第六集应该说是夜空中最闪亮的一颗星，在IMDB上单集评分9.9，无限接近满分。这一成就即使是神剧《瑞克和莫迪》也没有做到过，实在是惊为天人。更加伟大的是，从片头曲到片尾曲之间，整个故事都只是波杰克在母亲的葬礼上独白，4个不同的镜头角度始终对着波杰克，仅此而已。

故事一开始，是小时候的波杰克一个人在学校操场等待家人接他回家，所有小伙伴都走光了，父亲才姗姗来迟。上车后父亲就开始不断的责怪波杰克的母亲没给自己做饭，躲在浴室里哭泣就是为了取得自己的注意，全然不顾这是情绪崩溃的表现。然后父亲开始责怪由于母亲没来接波杰克，自己只能中断状态正好的写作过程，来接波杰克放学，还说这是母亲以身作则教给波杰克的道理，那就是不能依靠女人。镜头一转，来到波杰克在母亲的葬礼上发言，他讲述了早上来葬礼之前买早饭的故事，店员日常的问他今天如何，他却觉得这样的问法实在是逼着别人说好，将给出坏消息的责任转嫁给了他人，全然不顾这只是一句如同‘吃了吗’一样的打招呼。

接下来，波杰克开始讲自己和母亲的关系，说到自己从小父母不太管，自己只能从电视剧中学习如何与人沟通。电视剧中，有缺陷的角色总是用夸张的方式来表达他们对爱的理解，但是这不是社会要求我们度过每一天的方式。社会要求我们每一天都做一个完美的人，认真工作学习，和同事朋友友好相处，碰到问题不能撂挑子不干而是要用于承担……总而言之，就是一般鸡汤里所讲述的种种，但是要做到所有这些，真的很难。

由于父母关系不好，两人都将波杰克当成阻碍自己寻求美好生活的原因，于是对他异常冷漠。波杰克似乎寻找着特别是母亲的关注和认可，但是每每无法获得，甚至到了在葬礼现场他都无法想到一个母亲在一生中给他关注的例子。这种对关注的渴望，潜意识的反映在他在葬礼现场为了打破沉默的现场，就假装在跟母亲对话要求母亲回复，玩‘你不说话就当成默认’的游戏。唯一能想起的关注，只有母亲在临终前，她对波杰克说了一句，’I see you’. 于是波杰克不断的解释自己对于这句话的解释，拼命的想把这句话合理化，想证明母亲在某种程度上还是爱自己的。自己母亲对自己的关怀和善意，至少应该比早上卖早饭的女孩在知道波杰克母亲去世后给他的一根免费的西班牙油条中蕴含的善意要多。

最后，他终于反应过来，这只是由于母亲看到自己在ICU重症监护室，所以读出了’ICU’三个字而已。他也终于认识到了残酷的现实，自己终生在追求的母亲的关注，自己从来没有得到过，之后也再也不会得到了。但正是这样痛彻骨髓的认知，让他终于认识到了自己最深的懦弱，在最深的黑暗中，黑暗也会发光。这也最终促使他在本季最后，做出了与自己以往都不同的改变。

必须承认，这一季的马男波杰克给了我惊喜。很多的时候编剧为了省事，不断的给出新角色创造新事件来人为创造冲突，或者挖掘老角色背后的故事来增强人物背后的复杂度，但是这些动作都只是从不同侧面来描写静态的人物。但是第五季越看越令人觉得有趣，剧组在创作的时候有意识的让人物跟之前有些微的不同，他们不再机械式的重复自己的选择，而是成长了，进化了，而且成长的原因我们都看在眼里。这是一种绝妙的体验，仿佛看到了灵魂深处的可能。

跟着马男波杰克看了这么久，观众们也随之成长了，我们藉由这个镜子，看到了自己身上的丧，有些人已经成功脱离了不良的状态，大部分人都还在努力挣扎，但是波杰克都能够做出改变，在那样悲惨的家族命运和成长环境下，那么我们呢？是不是也应该成长呢？

So I stopped at a Jack in the Box on the way here, and the girl behind the counter said, “Hiya! Are you having an awesome day?” Not, “How are you doing today?” No. “Are you having an awesome day?” Which is pretty… shitty, because it puts the onus on me to disagree with her, like if I’m not having an “awesome day,” suddenly I’m the negative one.

Usually when people ask how I’m doing, the real answer is I’m doing shitty, but I can’t say I’m doing shitty because I don’t even have a good reason to be doing shitty. So if I say, “I’m doing shitty,” then they say, “Why? What’s wrong?” And I have to be like, “I don’t know, all of it?” So instead, when people ask how I’m doing, I usually say, “I am doing so great.”

But when this girl at the Jack in the Box asked me if I was having an awesome day, I thought, “Well, today I’m actually allowed to feel shitty.” Today I have a good reason, so I said to her, “Well, my mom died,” and she immediately burst into tears. So now I have to comfort her, which is annoying, and meanwhile, there’s a line of people forming behind me who are all giving me these real judgy looks because I made the Jack in the Box girl cry. And she’s bawling, and she’s saying, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” and I’m like, “It’s fine. It’s fine.” I mean, it’s not fine but, you know, it’s… fine. And I would like to order a Double Jack Meal, and I’ve kinda got somewhere to be, so maybe less with the crying and more with the frying, huh? [inhales] And the girl apologizes again and she offers me a free churro with my meal. And as I’m leaving, I think, “I just got a free churro because my mom died.” No one ever tells you that when your mom dies, you get a free churro.

[people murmuring]

[clears throat]

Anyway, I’m sorry, that’s not part of the… [clears throat] All right. Okay, here we go. Let’s do this. Here I am, BoJack Horseman, doing a eulogy, let’s go. Hey, piano man, can I get a, like an organ flourish? [organ plays] Nicely done. You know, I was a little worried I wouldn’t have the right accompaniment today. I guess it’s a good thing my mom was an organ donor! [rimshot plays] What happened to the organ? [horn ‘oogahs’] Okay, why just leave the comedy to the professionals? Okay? This is a funeral, sir, for my mother. Can you show a little respect? [trumpet whines] I’ll take it.

Beatrice Horseman, who was she? What was her deal? Well, she was a horse. Uh, she was born in 1938. She died in 2018. One time, she went to a parade, and one time, she smoked an entire cigarette in one long inhale. I watched her do it. Truly a remarkable woman.

[rustling]

Lived a full life, that lady. Just, all the way to the end, which is, uh, now I guess. Really makes you think, though, huh? Life, right? Goes by, stuff happens. Then you die. Okay, well that’s my time, you’ve been great! Tip your waitress! No, I’m just kidding around, there’s no waitress. But seriously, that’s all I have to say about my mother. No point beating a dead horse, right? So…

[inhales] Now what? I don’t know. Mom, you got any ideas? Anything? Mom? No? Nothing to contribute? Knock once if you’re proud of me.

Can I just say how amazing it is to be in a room with my mother, and I can just talk and talk without her telling me to shut up and make her a drink? Hey, Mom, knock once if you think I should shut up. No? You sure? I mean, I don’t want to embarrass you by making this eulogy into a me-logy, so, seriously, if you wanted me to sit down and let someone else talk, just knock. I will not be offended. No? Your funeral.

Sorry about the closed casket, by the way. She wanted an open casket, but uh, you know, she’s dead now, so who cares what she wanted? No, that sounds bad. I’m sorry. I-I think that if she could’ve seen what she looked like dead, she’d agree it’s better this way. She looked like this.

[groaning]

[mourners gasping]

Kinda like a pissed-off toy dinosaur. The coroner couldn’t get her eyes closed, so now her face is forever frozen in a mask of tremendous horror and anguish. Or as my mom called it, Tuesday! Tuesday! My mom called it Tuesday.

[woman coughs]

Hey, Mom, what did you think of that joke? You like that? You never did care for my comedy.

[clears throat]

Here’s a story. When I was a teenager, I performed a comedy routine for my high school talent show. There was this, uh, cool jacket that I wanted to wear because I thought it would make me look like Albert Brooks. For months, I saved up for this jacket. But when I finally had enough, I went to the store and it was gone. They had just sold it to someone else. So, I went home and I told my mother, and she said, “Let that be a lesson. That’s the good that comes from wanting things.” She was really good at dispensing life lessons that always seemed to circle back to everything being my fault.

But then, on the day of the talent show, my mother had a surprise for me. She had bought me the jacket. Even though she didn’t know how to say it, I know this meant that she loved me.

Now that’s a good story about my mother. It’s not true, but it’s a good story, right? I stole it from an episode of Maude I saw when I was a kid, where she talks about her father. I remember when I saw it, thinking, “That’s the kind of story I want to tell about my parents when they die.” But I don’t have any stories like that. All I know about being good, I learned from TV. And in TV, flawed characters are constantly showing people they care with these surprising grand gestures. And I think that part of me still believes that’s what love is. But in real life, the big gesture isn’t enough. You need to be consistent, you need to be dependably good. You can’t just screw everything up and then take a boat out into the ocean to save your best friend, or solve a mystery, and fly to Kansas. You need to do it every day, which is so… hard.

When you’re a kid, you convince yourself that maybe the grand gesture could be enough, that even though your parents aren’t what you need them to be over and over and over again, at any moment, they might surprise you with something… wonderful. I kept waiting for that, the proof that even though my mother was a hard woman, deep down, she loved me and cared about me and wanted me to know that I made her life a little bit brighter. Even now, I find myself waiting.

Hey, Mom, knock once if you love me and care about me and want me to know I made your life a little bit brighter.

[owl chirping]

My mother did not go gentle into that good night. She went clawing and fighting and thrashing, hence the face.

[groaning]

[mourners gasping]

If you’d seen her, I swear to God the only thing you’d be thinking about right now is that I am nailing this impression.

[woman clears her throat]

[chairs squeak]

I was in the hospital with her those last moments, and they were truly horrifying, full of nonsencial screams and cries, but there was this moment, this one instant of strange calm, where she looked in my direction and said, “I see you.” That’s the last thing she said to me. “I see you.” Not a statement of judgment or disappointment, just acceptance and the simple recognition of another person in a room. “Hello there. You are a person. And I see you.”

Let me tell you, it’s a weird thing to feel at 54 years old, that for the first time in your life your mother sees you. It’s an odd realization that that’s the thing you’ve been missing, the only thing you wanted all along, to be seen. And it doesn’t feel like a relief, to finally be seen. It feels mean, like, “Oh, it turns out that you knew what I wanted, and you waited until the very last moment to give it to me.” I was prepared for more cruelty. I was sure that she would get in one final zinger about how I let her down, and about how I was fat and stupid and too tall to be an effective Lindy-hopper. How I was needy and a burden and an embarrassment—all that I was ready for. I was not ready for “I see you.” Only my mother would be lousy enough to swipe me with a moment of connection on her way out. But maybe I’m giving her too much credit. Maybe it wasn’t about connection. Maybe it was a… maybe it was an “I see you,” like, uh, “I see you.” Like, “You might have the rest of the world fooled, but I know exactly who you are.” That’s more my mom’s speed.

Or maybe she just literally meant “I see you. You are an object that has entered my field of vision.” She was pretty out of it at the end, so maybe it’s dumb to try to attribute it to anything.

[woman sighs]

Back in the 90s, I was in a very famous TV show called Horsin’ Around.

[man coughs]

Please hold your applause. And I remember one time, a fan asked me, “Hey, um, you know that episode where the horse has to give Ethan a pep talk after Ethan finds out his crush only asked him to the dance because her friends were having a dorkiest date contest? In all the shots of the horse, you can see a paper coffee cup on the kitchen counter, but in the shots of Ethan, the coffee cup’s missing. Was that because the show was making a statement about the fluctuant subjectivity of memory and how even two people can experience the same moment in entirely different ways?” And I didn’t have the heart to be, like, “No, man, some crew guy just left their coffee cup in the shot.” So instead, I was, like… “Yeah.”

And maybe this is like that coffee cup. Maybe we’re dumb to try to pin significance onto every little thing. Maybe when someone says, “I see you,” it just means, “I see you.” Then again, it’s possible she wasn’t even talking to me because, if I’m being honest, she wasn’t really looking at me. She was looking just past me. There was nobody else in the room, so I want to think she was talking to me, but, honestly, she was so far gone at that point, who knows what she was seeing? Who were you talking to, Mom? [sighs] Not saying, huh? Staying mum? No rimshot there? God, whatever I’m paying you, it’s too much.

Maybe she saw my dad. My dad died about ten years ago of injuries he sustained during a duel. When your father dies, you ask yourself a lot of questions. Questions like, “Wait, did you say he died in a duel?” and “Who dies in a duel?” The whole thing was so stupid. Dad spent his entire life writing this book, but he couldn’t get any stores to carry it or any newspapers to review it. Finally, I guess this one newspaper thought he was pretty hilarious, because they ran a review and tore him to shreds. So my father, ever the proud Mary, decided he would not stand for this besmirchment of his honor. He claimed the critic didn’t understand what it meant to be a man, so he demanded satisfaction in the form of pistols at dawn. He wrote the paper this letter, saying anyone who didn’t like his book, he would challenge to a duel, anyone in the world. He’d even pay for airfare to San Francisco and a night in a hotel. Well, eventually this found its way to some kook in Montana, who was as batshit as he was and took him up on the offer. They met at Golden Gate Park and agreed: ten paces, then shoot. But in the middle of the ten paces, Dad turned to ask the guy if he’d actually read the book and what he thought, but, not looking where he was going, tripped over an exposed root and bashed his head on a rock.

[murmur]

I wish I’d known to go to Jack in the Box then. Maybe I could have gotten a free churro. It would’ve been nice to have something to show for being the son of Butterscotch Horseman. My darling mother gave the eulogy. My entire life I never heard her say a kind word to or about my father, but at his funeral she said, “My husband is dead, and everything is worse now.”

“My husband is dead, and everything is worse now.” I don’t know why she said that. Maybe she felt like that’s the kind of thing you’re supposed to say at a funeral. Maybe she hoped one day someone would say that about her. “My mother is dead, and everything is worse now.” Or maybe she knew that he had frittered away all her inheritance, and replaced it with crippling debt, which is a pretty shitty thing to leave your widow with. “Bad news, you lost a husband, but don’t worry, you also lost the house!” Maybe Mom knew she’d have to sell all her fancy jewelry and move into a home. Maybe that’s what she meant by “everything is worse now.” Is that what you meant, Mom?

I gotta say, I’m really carrying this double act. At least with Penn and Teller, the quiet one does card tricks. Hey, piano man, when I say something funny to my mom, how about you give me one of those rimshots?

[rimshot plays]

Yeah, but not now. When I say something funny. Like, okay. What’s the difference between my mother and a disruptive expulsion of germs? One’s a coughin’ fit and the other fits a coffin! That’s an example of a funny thing.

[rimshot plays]

Thank you. Let’s try again. Hey, Mom. What’s the difference between my mother and a bunch of Easter eggs? One gets carried in a basket, the other gets buried in a casket!

[rimshot plays]

Ready for one more? Last one. What’s the difference between a first-year lit major and my mother, Beatrice Horseman? One is decently read, and the other’s a huge bitch!

[woman gasps]

[murmurs]

Yeah, might have gone a little too far with that one. That one might’ve been a little too “my mom’s a huge bitch” for the room. I’m sorry, Mother. You’re not a huge bitch. You were a huge bitch… and now you’re dead.

[woman sighs]

You know, the first time I ever performed in front of an audience, it actually was, uh, with my mom. She used to put on these shows with her supper club in the living room and she used to make… [inhales] She used to make me sing “The Lollipop Song.”

[organ playing tune]

Those parties, they were really something. There were skits and magic acts, and ethnically insensitive vaudeville routines, and the big finale was always a dance my mother did. She had this beautiful dress that she only brought out for these parties, and she did this incredible number. It was so beautiful and sad. Dad hated the parties. He’d lock himself in the study, and bang on the walls for us to keep it down, but he always came out to see Mom dance. He’d linger in the doorway, scotch in hand, and watch in awe, as this cynical, despicable woman he married… took flight. And as a child who was completely terrified of both my parents, I was always aware that this moment of grace, it meant something. We understood each other in a way. Me and my mom and my dad, as screwed up as we all were, we did understand each other. My mother, she knew what it’s like to feel your entire life like you’re drowning, with the exception of these moments, these very rare, brief instances, in which you suddenly remember… you can swim.

[flashback]

[partygoers laughing]

[classical music playing]

But then again, mostly not. Mostly you’re drowning. She understood that, too. And she recognized that I understood it. And Dad. All three of us were drowning, and we didn’t know how to save each other, but there was an understanding that we were all drowning together. And I would like to think that that’s what she meant when we were in the hospital and she said, “I see you.”

You know, the weird thing about both your parents being dead is it means that you’re next. I mean, you know, obviously it’s not like there’s a waitlist for dying. Any one of us could get run over by a Snapchatting teen at any moment. And you would think that knowing that would make us more adventurous, and kind, and forgiving. But it makes us small, and stupid, and petty.

I actually had a near-death experience recently. A stunt went bad and I fell off a building. I’m an actor, I do my own stunts. I’m on this new show Philbert. I’m Philbert. Star of the show. It hasn’t come out yet, but it’s already getting Emmy buzz. Oh, speaking of buzz… [inhales] I’m supposed to take two of these every morning, but my days are so screwed up ‘cause of the shooting schedule, I don’t even know what morning means anymore. There’s a joke in there somewhere, about a guy who’s been to so many funerals, he doesn’t even know what mourning means anymore. Let you guys figure that one out for yourselves. [gulps]

Anyway, you know what I thought, when I was falling off the building and I went into panic mode? The last thing that my stupid brain could come up with before I died? “Won’t they be sorry.” Cool thought, brain.

[rimshot plays]

No, that wasn’t… would you just… dial it back, all right?

I don’t even know what “they” I wanted to be sorry. My mom, even before she died, could barely remember who I was. And of course, my dad’s dead. The last conversation I ever had with him was about his novel. He was so certain this book was his legacy. Maybe he thought it would vindicate him for all the shitty things he ever did in his stupid worthless life. Maybe it did, I don’t know. I never read it, because why would I give him that?

I used to be on this TV show called Horsin’ Around. Seriously, though, hold your applause.

[man coughs]

Well held. It was written by my friend Herb Kazzaz, who’s also dead now, and it starred this little girl named Sarah Lynn. And it was about these orphans. And early on, the network had a note, “Maybe don’t mention they’re orphans so much, because audiences tend to find orphans sad and not relatable.” But I never thought that the orphans were sad. I-I always thought they were lucky, because they could imagine their parents to be anything they wanted. They had something to long for.

Anyway, we did this one season finale, where Olivia’s birth mother comes to town. And she was a junkie, but she’s gotten herself cleaned up, and she wants to be in Olivia’s life again. And of course, she’s like a perfect grown-up version of Olivia, and they go to the mall together and get her ears pierced like she’s always wanted and—sorry, spoiler alert for the season six finale of Horsin’ Around, if you’re still working your way through it. Anyway, the horse tries to warn her, “Be careful, moms have a way of letting you down.” But Olivia just thinks the horse is jealous, and when the mom says she’s moving to California, Olivia decides to go with her. And the network really juiced the cliffhanger: “Is Olivia gone for good?” But of course, because it’s a TV show, she was not gone for good. Of course, because it’s a TV show, Olivia’s mother had a relapse and had to go back to rehab, so Olivia had to hitchhike all the way home, getting rides from Mr. T, Alf, and the cast of Stomp. Of course, that’s what happened. Because, what are you gonna do, just not have Olivia on the show? You can’t have happy endings in sitcoms, not really, because, if everyone’s happy, the show would be over, and above all else, the show… has to keep going. There’s always more show. And you can call Horsin’ Around dumb, or bad, or unrealistic, but there is nothing more realistic than that. You never get a happy ending, ‘cause there’s always more show.

I guess until there isn’t.

[chuckles]

My mom would hate it if she knew that I spent so much time at her funeral talking about my old TV show. Or maybe she’d think it was funny that her idiot son couldn’t even do this right. Who knows? She left no instructions for what she wanted me to say. All I know is she wanted an open casket, and her idiot son couldn’t even do that right. I’m not gonna stand up here and pretend I ever understood how to please that woman, even though so much of my life has been wasted in vain attempts to figure it out. But I keep going back to that moment in the ICU when she looked at me, and… “I-C-U.”

“I… see… you.” Jesus Christ, we were in the intensive care unit. She was just reading a sign. My mom died and all I got was this free churro.

You know the shittiest thing about all of this? Is when that stranger behind the counter gave me that free churro, that small act of kindness showed more compassion than my mother gave me her entire goddamn life. Like, how hard is it to do something nice for a person? This woman at the Jack in the Box didn’t even know me. I’m your son! All I had was you! [inhales]

I have this friend. And right around when I first met her, her dad died, and I actually went with her to the funeral. And months later, she told me that she didn’t understand why she was still upset, because she never even liked her father. It made sense to me, because I went through the same thing when my dad died. And I’m going through the same thing now. You know what it’s like? It’s like that show Becker, you know, with Ted Danson? I watched the entire run of that show, hoping that it would get better, and it never did. It had all the right pieces, but it just—it couldn’t put them together. And when it got canceled, I was really bummed out, not because I liked the show, but because I knew it could be so much better, and now it never would be. And that’s what losing a parent is like. It’s like Becker.

Suddenly, you realize you’ll never have the good relationship you wanted, and as long as they were alive, even though you’d never admit it, part of you, the stupidest goddamn part of you, was still holding on to that chance. And you didn’t even realize it until that chance went away.

My mother is dead, and everything is worse now, because now I know I will never have a mother who looks at me from across a room and says, “BoJack Horseman, I see you.” But I guess it’s good to know. It’s good to know that there is nobody looking out for me, that there never was, and there never will be. No, it’s good to know that I am the only one that I can depend on. And I know that now and it’s good. It’s good that I know that. So… it’s good my mother is dead.

[gulps, sighs]

Well. No point beating a dead horse. Beatrice Horseman was born in 1938, and she died in 2018, and I have no idea… what she wanted. Unless she just wanted what we all want… to be seen.

Is this Funeral Parlor B?

—— from Reddit

我不是个苛责的人，但是这一季有些许失望。

人物间联系的紧密性和关联性都降低了，而且还是在探讨一些前几季的老梗，缺乏那种感动和纠结。

波杰克，我们已经陪伴他很久，我觉得他应该学会担当和改变，没人会对一个死不悔改的渣男有太多的耐心。

相比于过去总能截图作为金句保存的前几季，这一季有点小失望。

纠结了许久，给3星，期待提高。

首先感谢友邻提供的资源。

I would like to talk about the E05. Because Princess is the one that I admire the most，i love his strong，confident and independence……

【1】

公主却从来没当过公主，因为王子总是擦肩而过，但她却是自己的女王。虽然第四季公主又被编剧狠狠虐了一把，总以为她该找到属于自己的幸福了吧，像很多优秀的“大龄剩女”那样，可是猫和老鼠怎么可能真正相依相偎一辈子呢？她又流产了比老鼠更伤心的她却像没事人一样自己主动选择离开了老鼠。

当看到要强的卡洛琳公主坐在车里哭泣时我和很多剧迷们一样心也跟着碎了一地～～～为什么生活总是不能善待她呢？也许这才是拍的真实操蛋的生活呀，哪有那么多happy ending 呀！

我们这一年都企盼着公主在第五季能有好剧情走向，很多人想的还是看到她能遇到真正的懂得疼爱她的Mr·right，她不用再那么坚强的像一块顽石。可看了几集我看到的公主依旧还是那个干练独立被打磨的近乎铁娘子般，仿佛被工作的繁忙占据了一切，没有那么多时间伤春悲秋的她。

她全能的样子，对工作游刃有余的样子，被太多巨婴需要的样子……依旧让人佩服又让人心疼。

【2】

可又不太一样了，经历既改变。她外表虽顽强的屹立不倒，但一个女人到了一定年纪内心深处的温柔会堆积的泛滥成灾。她对于爱人和生孩子不是没努力过，这一切对于她来说困难重重，所以她才毫不犹豫的选择掏重金给领养中介机构帮忙寻找可以领养的小孩，母性使然。即使中介机构的工作人员态度恶劣的像坨屎，可母性的渴望还是让人变得温柔。

我们也看到了公主的过去，她变成了今天这样的追根溯源，原生家庭和过去实在太影响你变成什么样的人，这部剧里大概每个人都能很好的诠释，就像我们自己也是一样。

她年轻时也曾愿意为了一份爱情放弃自己的梦想，如果不是意外流产她也差点肤浅的想像妈妈灌输的靠嫁入狐狸家豪门改变命运。可如果真的那样的话她会从此失去卡洛琳公主她自己，在见狐狸爸爸时这位名门望族爸爸那番以后她嫁过去了要过怎样生活的话就彻底扼杀了她的人生和选择，她再也没有机会变成真正的自己，人生不可能自我掌控。

她能从此自主选择自己的道路，不是因为别的，正是看清了爱情和爱人的脆弱。也是豪门梦碎妈妈拿出那封大学录取通知书，这让她重拾梦想狠狠诀别了有时也很自私的母亲，她知道了从此该如何努力主动的去改变自己的落魄命运，她知道只能靠自己变得强大才可以自主命运，而身边谁也帮不了她。故事当然没有详细说她吃过多少苦头，又是如何靠没有家庭的支持没有学费却完成学业并在洛杉矶扎根成为一个女经纪人的，不过可想而知吧。

所以公主也不是一直以来就是个敢于自我选择的人，每个人人格样子的形成都是一步一步走出来的模样。现在的公主除了工作全能外，除了做一个被波杰克被陶德被戴安被花生酱先生等等需要的朋友和全能女强人外，她也还想做一个可以靠自己目前的经济条件抚养一个属于她的不再会走她走过的路的小孩，没有爱情但能成为一个很好很温柔的母亲的人。

公主是坚强的总为别人解决问题的，她不是弱女子却同时也是最让人心疼的。希望以后的她即便没有爱人能有小孩的陪伴能少一点孤单吧，无论她选择什么生活只要是自己自主选择的就一定是最正确会变得更好更有意义的生活。

我们自己也是这样，共勉吧。